Airplanes and Fear

In March I will be attending a conference for work in Miami.  I am super excited to go but there are two things about this trip that are giving me anxiety and both have to do with airplane travel.  The first is that at 28 years old I have never flown.  Ever.  I think it is the fear of the unknown that makes me the most nervous but also the fact that I will be flying without Brent and Madelynn adds to my anxiety.

The second is that I have heard horror stories about airlines kicking people off planes because they are overweight or charging them for an extra seat.  My anxiety about this got so bad last week that I went online and actually read about the width of airline seats, policies, etc.  I then got my measuring tape out and measured how wide the seats of an airplane are and trying to see if I would fit.  Brent saw me doing all of this and asked me what was going on.  I lost it.  I sobbed and told him that not only was I scared to fly but I was scared they wouldn't let me on the plane because I was too fat.  I think what made me the most upset is that I let myself get to a point where my weight can truly hold me back.

Brent tried to calm my fears and it was his idea to write a blog post about it.  I do feel a little better about it but I am still stressing about flying.  I have made a significant change in my body and it will crush me if I am not allowed to fly because of my weight.  In the end, all I can do is keep progressing in a positive direction and leave it to God. 

If anyone has any feedback regarding flying that can calm my fears it would be greatly appreciated.

Until next time,

Amanda

30 miles, 30 Days

Y'all I am so glad January is over.  It was a really tough month for me physically and mentally.  I was in a funk for over half of the month but as I wrote last week I am getting my head back in the game.  In order to keep my momentum I am doing 30 miles in 30 days.{I got this idea from a fellow blogger I follow on instagram @frompregnantomarathon}  I am going to commit to running 1 mile a day from Feb 4th-March 5th. {I am starting on Tuesday because I am trying to get over a cold} During these 30 days I am also going to do strength training 3-4 times a week as well.

I am doing this challenge so I won't focus on weight loss as my only measurement of success.  It is so hard not to let that number control my life!  I am also hopeful that I will increase the pace of my mile.  Last week I had a 15 min mile and maybe I can shave a few minutes off my time in the 30 days.  I will be posting progress updates on my instagram (@assignmentamanda) throughout the challenge.

I hope that you will join me!

Until next time,
Amanda

Getting my head back in the game

A couple of weeks ago I was on the verge of giving up.  I felt like giving up on myself and my health journey.  The scale was moving in the wrong direction, my eating was way off, and I took a hiatus from exercising. I wanted so badly to put up my middle finger to all of it and quit. So many times before I had been to this same crossroad and so many times before I had quit.

But this time is different, I am different.  So I decided to quit wallowing in self pity and give myself a swift kick in the rear.  I decided to try and focus on small goals like committing to tracking my food and eating at regular intervals.  As each day passed getting back to my healthy routine became not so overwhelming.

Then this happened.

BOOM

This is an amazing accomplishment for me.   It was hard not to cry after seeing this because it is proof of how far I have come in such a short amount of time.  

For those of you on your own journey I encourage you to focus on the small things because they add up.

Until next time,

Amanda

P.S. Be sure to check out Holly's Blog to enter her giveaway.

Spiritual Sunday: My Faith Journey Part 2

You can read PART 1 HERE

Now that brings us forward to February 2012.  I had become close friends with one of my coworkers who is Catholic.  I would ask her questions about the faith all the time and she would tell me how much she loved it and would debunk all those catholic myths for me. One day she invited me to a women's day of reflection at her church on the following Saturday. That day I was changed.

I really think my heart was touched by the Holy Spirit.  There were so many times during that day I fought back tears.  I felt God calling me to Him, I felt incomplete without Him in my life, my heart was full of His love.

The following Sunday we went to that Catholic church and I just remember feeling how much I belonged and how I wanted to be part of that church family.  Each week we returned to that church and each week I felt more at home. 

I decided I wanted to become Catholic for many reasons.  First, it is was God was calling me to do.  Second, we weren't doign a very good job of laying a good religious foundation for MJ because we weren't one (religiously speaking).  Finally, the teachings and practices feel right to me.

I expressed my feelings of becoming Catholic to my coworker turned good friend.  She sent me information on what I needed to do. I will admit that I was slightly worried about what my parents would say about me leaving the Lutheran church.  When I told them, they were just happy that I still believed in God and was going to church.

I began RCIA classes in August of 2012.  For 8 months I spent my Monday nights a the church with a group of others like me and soaked up as much information as I could. My friend attended each week with me and sponsored me through the RCIA program.  I was confirmed Catholic at the Easter 2013 vigil and it was such a beautiful moment in my life. 

That brings us forward to today.  We go to church regularly and are involved with our church community as much as possible.  When I sit in the pew I don't feel like I am surrounded by strangers, I feel like I am with family. 

I try to live a Christian life with God at the forefront of my thoughts.  I don't always succeed because I am not perfect but I am trying to be better.  I do my best to live by the "golden rule" and not pass judgment on others but I stumble from time to time as we all do.  At the end of the day we are all His children and deserve to be treated as such with love and respect.

Until next time,
Amanda

Spiritual Sunday: My Faith Journey Part 1

This is a new series I am starting that will be posted each Sunday.  This week I want to start with the begining of my faith journey.

It has taken me a while to write this because I wasn't sure how/where to start.  My spiritual journey really began in February 2012.  But in order to tell that story I have to go back to the begining. 

I was born and baptized Lutheran.  My mother took us to church every Sunday, it was part of our weekly routine.  Of course I believed in God and wanted to go to heaven but we didn't have God in our lives the other 6 days of the week really.  In the summer of 1996 my parents separated which eventually lead to their divorce.  I was so angry, I couldn't understand how God could let this happen to me.  I rebelled in so many ways and I decided I hated God.  I stopped going to church with my family and decided that I just might not believe in God anymore.

After some counseling and letting go of some of my anger I let God back in.  I decided I wanted to complete my catechism classes and be confirmed in the Lutheran church.  I started attending church again but God was still more of a routine rather than a critical part of my life.

Flash forward to 2005, Brent (Catholic) and I got married.  I was very against converting to Catholicism and told him I never would convert and respected that he would never convert to the Lutheran church either.  We were divided, religiously speaking.  During this time we went to a little Lutheran church sporadically and I prayed here and there but I didn't feel that constant need for God in my heart.  My faith really diminished over the next few years. 

After having Madelynn in December 2008 I contacted that little Lutheran church and she was baptized.  Again our church attendance was spotty.  I felt like everytime I went I missed the message because I was taking care of Madelynn (not blaming her) the whole time or someone would point out that they hadn't seen us in a while so I quit going altogether. 

To be continued...

Lost my mojo

I seemed to have lost my mojo.  I have not tracked my food intake (I have not been stuffing my face either) and I have not worked out one time this week.  I think the scale thing at the beginning of the week was a blow to my confidence.   That combined with my PMDD has me in a funky place this week and it is time to get out. 

So this weekend I am going to get in a couple of jogs to clear my head and boost my confidence.  I am also going to plan out my meals for the rest of the month.  I have been kind of relaxed about my food (just eyeballing servings, not really planning what I am going to eat, etc.) the past few weeks so I am going to tighten the reins and change up some of my usual go-to meals.

In addition to revamping my fitness mojo, I am going to start a series of "Spiritual Sunday" posts to feed/grow my spiritual self.  I will write about my faith journey, faith struggles, lessons from the past week, etc.  My overarching goal is to become the best me (I wrote about that HERE) and I need to focus on this area of my life just as much as eating healthy and exercising.   


 Have you ever lost your mojo?  What did you do to get back on track?

Until next time,
Amanda

We need a break...

Dear Scale,
Our relationship has become toxic and I can't take it anymore.  Each week I am determined to make you change and each week I walk away with nothing more than disappointment.  I know that I have made some mistakes but you could budge a little.  After our last date I have come to realize that I need to find happiness outside of our relationship.  We need a break.
 
During this break I don't want to see or think about you so I will tuck you away under the bathroom sink.  Out of sight, out of mind.  I would like to see you again on Feb 2nd in order to fulfill our commitment to the Jillian Michaels DVD challenge.  After that time we can re-evaluate our relationship. 

It's you, not me.

Amanda