Friday, December 13, 2013

Too Fat

This morning MJ came to me and said "Jane Doe said I was too fat to color".  Whoa, what????  I asked her what she did about it.  She replied,"I told the teacher and she talked to Jane Doe".  Now don't get me wrong I don't think the little girl really knew what she was saying but it troubles me because those words were heard/learned somewhere. She could have heard this from her parents, TV, out shopping, etc. 

"You're too fat to" really tugs on my heart because starting in junior high I was "too fat" and boys didn't want to go out with me.  I remember a boy asked my weight one time, I fibbed and said I was lighter than I was. My best friend at the time, who happened to be skinny as a rail, said he is not going to believe you because you are really big.  Thanks for being a good friend.  That was the first moment I began to hate myself.  {Side note: In junior high I wore like a size 13/14, not fat in my book}  Then as time moved on and I became more self-conscious of my body and more depressed that I wasn't "skinny" like my friends I would emotionally eat.  I can remember a family member telling me when I was a Freshman in  high school, "Amanda, you are getting too big, no boy is going to want to marry you". Ouch! Who says things like that to a loved one?  When you keep hearing the same negative things over and over you begin to believe it.  Luckily, I met a boy who didn't see me like that.  He thinks I am perfect and beautiful.  Brent has spent the last 12+ years telling me these things but I was so damaged that it took me until now to believe him.  

I never want MJ to go through life hating herself and feeling like she is not good enough for all life has to offer especially love.  My greatest fear is she will experience this type of heart break and learn to hate herself like I did so long ago.  I tell her everday before she leaves you look beautiful today and I love you.  She gets a cute little smile on her face says "I love you too momma" and goes to school happy.  I am breaking the cycle.

Until next time,
Amanda

23 comments:

  1. Wow, that is rough. I work with children and they can be so cruel sometimes. Sometimes I don't even think they realize or mean to. It's up to us to show them. Glad you chose to start with you and break the cycle

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    1. Thanks Aleshea, my daughter is average height and build not considered even the least bit overweight so that is what leads me to believe the little girl heard it somewhere.

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  2. Tough post to read - kids can say the meanest things and not realize the connotation of their words. :(

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    1. Krystal, I am not gonna lie, it was hard to write. I had to fight back the tears. Thank you for reading!

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  3. That is tough. I hope one day the word fat will be the same as saying a 4 letter word.

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    1. Tiffany you are right. I just want us to get over this whole fat/skinny issue as a society and just focus on healthy.

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    2. Tiffany you are right. I just want us to get over this whole fat/skinny issue as a society and just focus on healthy.

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  4. Hopefully Jane is able to understand how her words can hurt and try to be nice in the future. Kids can be mean without even realizing cause they see it on tv or hear it at home and don't realize it's not right to say.

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    1. Tara tht is my hope too. I hope she can begin to understand how words can hurt so much. Thank you for reading.

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  5. Im sorry this happened. You have a wonderful family and seem like you are an amazing mother. You have a lot to be proud of ans your daughter is extremely lucky to have you as a mom. God Bless you.

    Peter Collier

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    1. Thank you Peter. I am definitely blessed to be a wife and mother to two people that love me unconditionally. Thank you for reading.

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  6. Kids are so cruel. The saddest part is that Jane Doe probably heard an adult say that to someone and thought it was OK.

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    1. You are right Joyce, our little ones are always watching. Thanks for reading.

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  7. awww.

    I remember hearing things like that at school too, it's like a knife in the heart. (that sounded really cheesy, whatev! ha ha) but thats the only way I can describe it. I remember stopping in my tracks and thinking, "were they talking to me..?"

    hmmph. kids are so mean, but you are an amazing mother! Keep it up! :)

    -kar

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    1. Thanks Kar. Everytime I heard that I remember feeling this ache in my chest and a huge lump in my throat and when MJ told me what happened it felt just the same. Thank you for reading.

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  8. This post was really hard to read, Amanda, and it breaks my heart, though it does not surprise me that children are still cruel. (As they were cruel in both of our youths.) I'm glad that you're breaking the cycle with your daughter and letting her know that she is loved and beautiful daily. My parents did that for me, and it was a great reminder to hold my head high because no matter what you look like, there's always another kid out there who is gonna try to tear you down about something or another.

    Keep up being an amazing, encouraging momma, and keep on working to break that cycle! While you can't control what other children do outside your home, bringing MJ up in a loving, accepting and encouraging environment will shine through in her actions toward others and hopefully, allow her to remain positive even when other kids are cruel.

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    1. Erin thank you for your kind words. I would do anything to keep her from feeling even one ounce of sorrow but I can't control the world. I just have to raise her to be strong enough to know better than what others say to tear her down.

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  9. That breaks my heart. It's a tough thing but it sounds like you're handling it very well!

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    1. Thank you for reading. It pained me to write it but I feel so much better and feel that I can let go of all those painful memories.

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  10. Words sting! Kudos to you for breaking the cycle. I'm trying to teach my 6 year old that differences are good. They make you unique. He is starting to see that as a black male, he is not like everyone else at his school. Support at home is key. Visiting from SGBC.

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    1. Kimberly, being different is a good thing. Unfortunately our culture bombards us with otherwise. Kudos to you for teaching your son how to embrace differnces as positive. Thanks for reading!

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  11. What a hard thing to read...and I'm sure even harder to hear! Words hurt & it isn't easy to simply 'forgot' them after they've been said. Thank you for sharing your struggle & being so honest- that could not have been easy to do. I'm so impressed with how you are teaching your daughter to be a strong woman who is able to 'hold her own' against what others say. Thank you for sharing this. I think that you are awesome & your posts really always touch me. XO

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    1. Thank you Jenn. It was definitely hard to write but I feel a sense of relief now that it is out there and I am no longer holding it in. Thank you as always for reading!

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